top 5 most fucked up cpps names

I know i haven't posted anything in a few weeks, mainly because i've been so pissed at the election results (#NOTMYPRESIDENT #FUCKYOUTRUMP). Anyways, i'm finally back, and i will be posting once a week again as well.

Also, i am not going to say "happy thanksgiving"
because what do you have to be thankful for when you're crammed together next to 30 family members who you secretly fucking want to kill, at a tiny 4x6 ft table meant for only 6 people, with a giant fat ass turkeys carcass smothered in 20lbs of gravy (the turkeys guts mixed with water and more shit) and stuffed with 30 lbs of dried bread, and listening to those 30 fat asses chow down all this shit and talking with their mouths full. And in the end, all you got was a gross meal, drooled on by your fat ass uncle who was sitting next to you, and an extra 3 inches around your waist.
So no, im not going to wish you a "happy" thanksgiving.

Anyways, onto the list...


Last thing, i am not insulting those who are on here, i am just saying that your name is fucked up, and that could be said as a compliment, or as an insult, i'll let you decide on that...

5. IMSOSEXY

No, you're not sexy. But i feel that's the joke in this username...

4. Crusty Nips

This one is more disturbing than it is funny, but hey, its fucked up, which means its qualified!

3. Pu$$y eater

Yet again, more disturbing than funny, but it still works!

2. ant_erection

Just the thought of an ant having an erection is hilarious.

1. Sexy cheese

This one is just too fucked up and hilarious for words. When i hear the words "sexy cheese" , this is what i think of:

FUCK YOU TRUMP

GO TO FUCKING HELL YOU TINY DICK, NO GOOD, MOTHER FUCKING, RACIST, SEXUAL ASSAULTING, HOMOPHOBIC, ORANGE FAT ASS.
#NOTMYPRESIDENT #JACKASS #FUCKYOUTRUMP

WHERE TF ARE YOU CPPS?

Its a fucking sunday afternoon, where tf is cpps? Let me explain whats going on...

I wake up, eat my breakfast (a jar of cookie dough), animated a ring (see picture at the way end if you want proof), then made my lunch. After making my lunch i sit down to eat it, then click on my cpps.me shortcut since im too fucking lazy to type it. But when the page loaded, this came up:

then i though "fuuuuuuccckkkkk noooooooo" but then i though "eh ill just go to portal penguin"

so i go to www.portalpenguin.com...

WHAT THE FUCK?????

So at this point i was really starting to get pissed. 

So then i went to cpps.io....

WHERE THE FUCK IS EVERY ONE?

ITS FUCKING SUNDAY AFTERNOON, THIS IS THE FUCKING BUSIEST TIME ON CPPS?

WHY THE FUCK IS NO ONE ON??? 

So since i couldn't play cpps, i just wet back to blender and animated another ring...

Just another jackass/bully on cpps/ just another.. pt 4

   I was just walking around cpps, dressed as a walrus, handing out virtual dildos, having a good time being good,Until i came across this bitch.
   But as i was walking over to her, she said she was going to her igloo. So i added her and she accepted it.
   So i went to her igloo, then she said "who tf r u" (i didn't get a screen shot of this half of the conversation, but i did get one of the other half). Then i told her to check her friends list, then she kept saying "your not there" "get tf out" etc, being all delusional and shit.

How does she think i fucking got there then? I cant magically unlock the igloos (although that would be awesome, i could stalk anyone i wanted)

Anyways, i stayed there, then her fat-ass, ugly BF came over and broke up with her (im not surprised) then she starts picking on me.

So i told her i called a mod,then she said "LOL, U DUM FUK" "MY IGLOO LOCKED" (ps, checkout that horrible grammar. well, not as bad as cute_hearts from august).
She clearly doesn't understand that mods can go anywhere they want, including locked igloos (once, before i created this blog, there was a jackass at my friends igloo, and my friend had signed off (so it was automatically locked) and i called a mod and they came, so yeah, they dont gaf about locked igloos)

Then this is where she starts to bully me. Im just gonna leave the conversation below so you can see for yourself

Then she left for about 4 min, and duh, of course i stayed there, the way i work is that i dont listen to bitches, if you want me to do something, ask me nicely, and i'll be more likely to consider doing it.

And if you thought that was the end, well it isn't. Later she came back with her x-bf, who is now her bf again, and said this to me:

So yeah, Avoid Hotforu1 (who really isn't hot, at all) as much as you can. And report her if you could, as well.

(updated) list of people to avoid:

Virtually

cute heart4

The cringe

thesoldier

*Hotforu1

Sorry i haven't posted anything in over a week...

(if you saw SNL this weekend, you know what im talking about)

Sorry, been busy obsessing over this hilarious election (those over 18: VOTE HILLARY OR I HATE YOU) lol, all i have been watching the past 5 weeks is CNN and SNL. Kinda forgot about it, but then  remembered

i'll probably be posting something within the next few days, but for now...

Champagne anyone?

Picture of the week (well, more like picture of the month)

made this on my brand new (well, refurbished, wgaf) PC, also took me 3 hours, but i think it was well worth it...

And here's the original picture if your curious what i made this from...

Oh Drake (Virtually), you have done it again.

If any of you have read one of my first posts, you should know who Virtually/Drake is, if you dont, click on this link to see the article:

So anyways, he must be off of his medications again because today, he told me this:

"ur blog will be hacked in 24 hours. :)"

And no, im not stupid, i know he cant. Because if he could, don't you think he would have already?

And if he thought this would "scare" me, he obviously doesn't know that i have been on the leviathan at canada's wonderland countless times, and that isn't really that scary.

So yeah, Drake, if your reading this, I just want to let you know that im not scared, i really dont give a shit about you, and now i can call you a lying rapist instead of just a plain rapist!

also my new bio is going to be "beware of virtually, the lying rapist"

So yet again, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THAT "GUY"

5 creative halloween costumes

This post is for people who actually want to be creative with their penguins costume this halloween, well at least a little creative since i'm the one that put all of these together.
But at least it means that you don't want to be a fucking lazy ass and just throw on a watermelon costume and go off to eat 30 pound of sugar.

so without further adue, here are the 5 costumes i have created for halloween (so far)

OH YEAH, I WILL ALSO BE SAVING THE SCARIEST FOR LAST!

and the order will be the worst to the "best" (design wise)

5, Heimlich from a bugs life

If any of you have seen a bugs life, you should definitely know who this fat ass, annoying, fucked up, obese caterpillar is. and i figured out how to do every body part of this obese caterpillar, except the gigantic, fat ass lips. But this is at least the best i would do.

items needed:

Bee antennas (id 472)

Leia's lashes (id 2124)

Green ghost costume (id 90311)

Red mittens (id 5195)

Red sneakers (id 6036)

(color) Lime green (id 13)

Blossom background (optional) (id 980)

Layered item instructions: None

Suggested name glow:
color 1 #f60414
color 2 #45ff0f

BONUS: When he finally becomes a not-so-beutiful butterfly, just put fairy wings on (id 310) 

4. Indian butter lady

I know i fucking posted this costume 2 weeks ago, but since when have i said this list will contain 100% new costumes? Yeah, that's what i thought.

Items needed: 

Red mohawk (id 1172)

The forest maiden (id 1250)

Wide awake eyes (id 2110)

O'berry necklace (id 3201)

Tribal dress (id 14685)

Brown sandals (id 376)

Bamboo river background (id 9116)

(color) Yellow (id 7)

Layered item instructions;

Head items; For head items put on the red mohawk, then say !up a 1250 (the forest maiden)

Suggested name glow:
color 1 #fbeb83
color 2 #fbeb83

3. Wasp

"ahh, bee"  is the most common thing you will hear from people. The thing is, that your actually much worse than a bee. Bees wont sting you unless you steal their honey, Wasps sting you because its fucking fun. Bees die after 1 sting, wasps can sting you over and over again, and to top it all off, Have you even been stung by both of them? well lemme give you an example, A bee sting is like a little prick/pinch, A wasp sting, feels like you stabbed your self with the tip of  a knife until bloody.

So who seems scarier now?

Bee antennas (id 472)

Countess makeup (id 2129)

Bee costume (id 227)

Yellow hiking shoes (id 6047)

Spring time background (id 943)

(color) Yellow (id 7

Layered item instructions; None

Suggested name glow:
color 1: #ffe229
color 2: #000000

2. The sex bot 3000

Why not add a 3000 to the name. Women and men will be lining up to fuck you since you're the only "penguin" who cant spread AIDS, But if you want to be a Whore bot 3000, make sure you stock up on condoms. Also, this is the only costume people will "pay" you to wear, most sex bots get atleast $50 a fuck-ing

items needed:

Toy robot helmet (id 1745)

Mega suit 3000 (id 14652)

Blue power cell (id 3073)

Undercover shoes (id 16114)

Undefined (gun) (id 5515)

Digital defender background (id 9301)

EPF badge (id 7071)

Layered item instructions; None

Suggested name glow:
color 1 #ff5b57
color 2 #6e5df8

1. ...

TRUMP


Ah, trump, You can scare kids and adults equally just by looking at them, If that wasn't enough, you say your gonna build a wall, and have mexico pay for it all, but mexico clearly said they wont pay for it, is it just me, or does anyone else feel that would lead to a war? And i think war, a real issue, is by far the scariest thing on this list. So vote trump if you want USA to go to war






items needed:

The sunburst (id 1161)

Striped tie (id 177)

Tuxedo (id 294)

Microphone (id 732)

Black dress shoes (id 368)

Your  a star background (id 9064)

USA pin (id 501)

(color) Orange (id 6) 


Layered item instructions; None



Suggested name glow:

color 1 #f6040f



color 2 #260fff


BONUS!!! Hillary Clinton

The reason i didnt include her with the other ones is because i couldn't think of a good bio, or 

description for her, lol. 











items needed:

The movie star (id 1010)

Wide awake eyes (id 2110)

McKenzie's necklace (id 3174)

Aqua bikini (id 273)

Bubble dress (id 4532) 

Disgusted shoes (id 6264)


Your  a star background (id 9064)


USA pin (id 501)




Layered item instructions; Body items; Put the Aqua bikini on then say !up a 4532 (bubble dress)




Suggested name glow:
color 1 #f6040f



color 2 #260fff

Just another stalker on cpps / just another... pt 3

After being away on vacation for 4 days, in a hotel with shitty free wifi, i signed onto cpps to catch up on the drama that's happened over the weekend. But right when i signed on. There was this guy with  the user "thesoldier". I didn't really give a shit about him, until i walked into the town, and there he was, coming right behind me.

the dock (when i first signed in)

the town

(if your wondering why i took a picture of him before i knew he was a stalker, its because i recently just started recording everything i do on cpps, for this reason. If drama erupts or something like this happens. i'll have pictures to prove it)

But I just thought he was going to the town to hang out like most people do, until he followed me to the snow forts...

And no, it didn't stop there. He followed me to the stadium, the plaza, the pizza parlor, the forest, and the school...

stadium

plaza

pizza parlor

forest

school

But then (finally) he found another person to follow...

(sorry, the only pic i could get was with someone laughing over them)

But then just as i thought i was off the hook, I went back to the pet shop, 5 minutes later, guess whos there?

THESODLIER!!!!

Updated list of people to avoid on cpps:

Virtually

cute heart4

The Cringe

*thesoldier

* = new

Outfit: Indian butter lady

Ifyou have ever been to a grocery store (which would be pretty sad if you haven't) you should be able to recognize the lady on the butter holding her tits for everyone to see...

(Just look at how big they are!)

Well i have found a way to make your penguin look like her, just without the tits

here are the items and how to do it:

* Red Mohawk (ID: 1172)

* The forest maiden (ID: 1250)  

* O'Berry necklace (ID: 3201)

* Yellow (ID: 7)

* Wide awake eyes (ID: 2110)

* Tribal dress (ID: 14685)

* Brown sandals (ID: 376)

* Bamboo river back round 

1. Change color to yellow

2. Put on the red mohawk 

3. say !UP A 1250  (the hair)

4. Wear the wide awake eyes 

5.Put the o'berry necklace on

6. Put on the tribal dress

7. Put the fucking brown sandals on

8. Change your back round to the bamboo river back round

OPTIONAL: change your bio like i did

Now you can go around, sell butter, maybe strip a little, show off your fat tits, or my personal favorite, shoving butter up peoples ass.

NOTE: im trying to find a better thing for the head, the red mohawk was the best i could find.

when i figure out something else ill update it

Door or doors?

I was walking back to work from the coffee shop where i got myself a week supply of meth and joints. But i felt like smoking a joint outside instead of inside for once. So i went to sit in front of the door, when i noticed there was only one door on the outside. "doesn't the pet shop have 2 doors?" I thought. I went inside and i was right, there were 2 doors.

So how is there only one outside?

   Also, look how fucking taller the inside door is! if this shit wasn't all magical and virtual, you'd have to duck just to get through there. But the inside one, ITS FUCKING 5.5 PENGUINS TALL!?!?

Another thing i noticed, outside the door you actually come through is on the way left side of the building. But when you get inside, its in the middle (there's tons of space to the right on the inside (about 3 penguins wide) , but outside there's basically no space that way. (more like a flipper wide)?!?

Well at least there's a nice big windo.....

WHAT THE FUCK? WHERES THE GODDAMN WINDOW?

Clearly club penguin didn't put a lot of planning into building the pet shop. I'm not saying i don't like it, i'm just saying it's kinda annoying that they don't know the difference between one and two doors.

And they actually did the same thing a few years later when they built the stage, just the opposite way

 doors on the outside, both take you to the same one door on the inside.

But i'm not going to get deep into that...

Igloo idea: Car wash

PICTURE OF THE WEEK: We love our puffles!

7 hours, 6 google images, 3 programs on my computer, 1 final picture

Picture of the week: "At the pet shop, we love our puffles"

pictures used:

********SCROLL DOWN TO SEE THE ACTUAL PICTURE I MADE******

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Pizza parlor menu

Print out page 1 and 2 on the same page (double sided) so that when you flip it either to the left or right, its still readable.

gold the page in half on the black line in the middle of the page, so that it opens like a book (or a real menu) and that the picture of the penguin is on the front

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 I YET AGAIN, THE THING COVERS MY OTHER SHIT ON THE SIDE
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Page one

Page 2







Kids menu

Pamphlet for "new to the pet shop" pookies

Print this out, double sided or just fucking read it on here. But if you want to hold it like a real pamphlet, here are the instructions:

1) print out double sided, make sure its not upsode down (when you hold one side right side up, if you flip it by the left or right you'll still be able to read it)

2) if your printer does that annoying extra inch around the edge thing, cut that off.

3) fold the white page (P 1 is printed on the top left corner of it) to the right, ONLY the white page.

4) Take the blue page (P 4)and fold it to the left, so that your left with a pamphlet sized sheet.

5) NOW FUCKING OPEN IT AND READ IT


But if you actually care about the environment you would just fucking read it on here.
Click on the page to expand it
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 I     I HAD TO MAKE IT LOWER SO THE PICTURES DIDN'T COVER MY SHIT OVER
 I     THERE --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->
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SIDE 1:

SIDE 2:

Just another sexual harasser + stalker on cpps / just another... pt 2

Ugh, yet again i was at my "job" (well this time i was at the pet shop), A freak with nothing better to do comes over to me and says "Fuck me hard".

i walk away

he follows me

i go to the next room

he follows me

leave the room and go to the iceberg

HE FUCKING FOLLOWS ME THERE?!?!

I checked my friends list and he wasn't on there, so i really don't know how

the fuck he found me. Either he just took a good guess, or he found a way to track everywhere i go.

Because when i went back to the pet shop, thinking he wouldn't go back, 

THERE HE IS, FUCKING WAITING FOR ME

I walk to the other side of the pet shop. He, of course, follows me. I try to ignore him, but then, next thing you know hes fucking staring at my humongous virtual tits.

But it didn't stop there, i move away, then he chases me and FUCKING TAKES OFF HIS CLOTHES AND FUCKING SHOWS ME HIS VIRTUAL STACK OF DIMES!

And no, it didn't stop there either.

Then he fucking SHOVED HIS EXTRA SMALL STACK OF DIMES IN MY FUCKING MOUTH!

Now there's 3 people (well, penguins) that i advise you to avoid, and they are:

Virtually

cute heart4

*The Cringe

* = new

And if your wondering, im going to re-post the list of people to avoid every time someone new is added.

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